I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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