That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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