her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
