There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
