My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
