How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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