I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
