We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
