Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My pussy is not your playground.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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