So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
