I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
