her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
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I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
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You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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