So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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