why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
