john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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