Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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