Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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