I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
it's great music for shaving your balls
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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