Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You're like the curious george of whores
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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