remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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