bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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