Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
