i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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