"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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