I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
