I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
