you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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