I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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