and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
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I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
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I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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