I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
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I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
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Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Drunk is not a location!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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