hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
