As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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