So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
