We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
