wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
