After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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