Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
