He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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