She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
