When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
