Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
