Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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