im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
