Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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