I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
