I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
