Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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