No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
