I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
