"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
This house was built for laser tag.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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