How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Welp...herpes.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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