is your mom at the bar?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
