A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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