i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Fuck appropriateness.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
