I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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