ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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