Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
