So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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