i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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