I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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