I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
