FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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