She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My dick has a subreddit
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
