you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
