Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
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Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize