direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
