i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
