You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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