why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
