He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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