Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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