a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
