He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
