did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
