I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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