K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
